Obama's Future

11 nov 08

my son says that within six months OBAMA sahib will be shot.

and then we shall have a brand new prez: The Honorable Joe Biden.

good luck to you Barack Bhai.

MA Shahani.

NANO RIDES ON THE GOOD KARMA OF THE TATAS Headline in the Mumbai Mirror

Can Mr. Ratan Tata give us the name of the gentleman who hired the ships that helped the Brits carry Indian Opium to China? Which is said to be one of the causes of the Boxer Wars?

M A Shahani
9th October, 2008

IT TOOK HIM 32 LONG YEARS TO PROVE HE'S A FREEDOM FIGHTER - Mumbai Mirror

"The fight with our own people was tougher. We were better off in the RAJ era."

If the gentleman really believes that, what stops him from going to London, where the Brits will lionize him, where the Queen may even put him on her Honours List.

Obviously the gentleman has never heard of Jallianwala Baug. Perhaps he has not heard of Lala Lajpat Rai, who was beaten up while leading a procession. And as a result, contracted TB and died.

M.A. Shahani
22 June '08

This message is addressed to the Honorable Shri Jyoti Basu

Ernest Hemingway wrote: The government that uses its machine guns against its own people, cannot last. In India, the above may be amended to: The government that uses its guns against its own people. People armed with lathis and sickles, and kills them. Cannot last.

MA Shahani
28 May '08

"[Police Officer] Mohali SSP Complains Against Ness Wadia."

It seems to be a family habit. The Wadias own Bombay Dyeing and a lot of land in Mumbai.

My grandson worked for Jay Wadia for a short while. One day the poor chap went to Wadia's office to ask for his wages. All he got for his efforts were two tight slaps.

MA Shahani
27 May 08

INDIA SHOULD GO AHEAD WITH N-DEAL KALAM

Article in Mumbai Miror

Dear Shri APJ:

These are leeches you are asking us to deal with. Leeches that will only suck our blood and cast us aside when they have no further use for us.

I was double-crossed by the US Army in 1945.

My boss was stabbed in the back in 1981.

I can send you a book that may open your eyes.

I pray the Good Lord will guide you to the right path.

With respect.

M A Shahani
11 May '08

TOP LYRICIST SUED FOR TELL-ALL SAGA

(headline in Mumbai Mirror)

Dear Rukhsar Behn,

Tis a waste of time and money. This dragging the poor chap to court. Nida Bhai says he is a writer. What does he know about litigation?
And besides. He has not gone far enough. Rumor has it that Kamaal Sahib used to beat a beautiful actress black and blue. Until she found
out what magic was contained in a bottle. And she went on drinking till she was in a rosy haze. And she liked the feeling so much and she
drank so much her kidneys rebelled. And they led her to the garden of roses. Where she now plays with the houris. There is no one to beat
her. And no need of scotch.
The sensible thing to do now is to write to Nida Sahib thus: "I am sorry. I was hasty. I was ill-advised. Please forgive me."
M A SHAHANI
10 May '08

MY SINS HAVE BEEN CLEANSED: NALINI

MY SINS HAVE BEEN CLEANSED: NALINI
(Headlines in Times of India)

But this is wonderful! Almost as wonderful as Mrs. Stanes saying she has forgiven those who killed her husband and children.

Now comes the $64= question: Who will forgive Ibrahim Dawood Bhai?

MAS
16 April '08

I WON'T BUDGE.

I WON'T BUDGE. [His Response to North Indians being Targeted for Removal in Mumbai]
(Mr. Amitabh Bachhan in the Mumbai Mirror)

Wah! Wah! Mr. Bachhan. At last one brave soul has stood up to say: Hell, no. I won't go. Wish there were more like you.
I used to wonder: What's that white Van Dyke beard doing there, when his hair is all black? No more. We are living in a democracy.
Every man must be allowed some leeway in establishing his own identity.
Mr. Raj Thakeray replies (shamefacedly?) "We never asked him to leave."
Of course not, Raj Bhai. Whoever asked a cow to leave his TABELA. Especially when he could milk her daily. Maybe twice.

MA Shahani
17 April '08

"READER, WE HAVE BEEN HAD"

To the Editor of Mumbai Mirror

Sir:

This refers to your story in your excellent paper entitled:

"READER, WE HAVE BEEN HAD." [In reference to a false filmy story timely planted by publicity seeking actors]

Reading between the lines, one is driven to one of the following conclusions:

1. That you were born yesterday and are more innocent than the most innocent babe on earth.
2. That you were born on 14 December 1916 and now it is time for you to seek a golden handshake.

In case I offend thee I hasten to touch thy feed and to mumble: "Please forgive me." One condition tho.
Daily you must write 21 lines, thus: "Lord God, please grant me a tiny bit of Thy wisdom."

MA Shahani
18 April '08

Man Returns Rs. 96,750 (Headline Mumbai Mirror)

To the gentleman who returned:

Sir,
You may be interested in the story of the man who DID NOT return...

One day I sent one of my colleagues to the RBI to get some one rupee notes. In those days, they were still printing them. The man took the money (Rs. 100) went to the bank and returned in the afternoon with two bundles of one rupee notes.
I explained to my colleague that a mistake had been made and asked him to return one bundle to the bank.
The next day the man was absent. On the third, when he reported for work, I asked him what went wrong. "Oh," he said "my brother-in-law fell off the train and we had to attend his funeral."

Finance Minister P. Chidambaram

April 1, 2008

Mr. Chidambaram is a wonderful man. He loves to collect taxed: 27 crores rom SRK, one crore plus from Ash, and so on.

But how about the tax wrongly collected? Or collected when the Assessee is below the tax net? At such times Mr. Chidambaram hides in a corner and pretends he doesn't know me.

MA Shahani

Russian Mafia

This one is addressed to the Russian mafia, if there be one.

O ye beautiful people from the north. I don't know whether you are Tadjik, Turkmen, Khirgiz, Kazak or other nationalities. The whole point is that people say that you are dealing in controlled substances. It is okay if you deal in marijuana ONLY. What is known here as BHANG. But people say you are bringing in cocaine, heroin, crack and other forbidden substances which tend to destroy people. Now, my request to you is simple. Please pack up your bags and go to some other country. I do hope your response will be positive. In the other case, you will only compel me to use moral force.

I do hope wise counsels will prevail.

God bless you all.

MA Shahani
20 February, 2008.

On the Sydney Incident

If the BCCI is convinced that ANDY SYMONDS is the one who initiated the abusive language, then why doesn't the BCCI issue a single statement to the world media, something like this: "We shall NEVER play against any team of which ANDY SYMONDS is a member. If Mr. Symonds wishes to apologise and make restitution then we are willing to reconsider our decision. Otherwise the above resolution stays permanently." 

BCCI being the richest in the whole world can easily afford to lose the small sums. They might earn by playing against scoundrels such as Symonds. But imagine what an effect it will have on all world class cricketers. "Hey, I've got to buck up and avoid all abusive language when dealing with Indians."

M.A. Shahani

1 Feb 08